This is what I wrote in June of 2014, almost a month after I got back from South Africa. I will update what has happened since then in future blog posts.
So, now that that journey of discovery and healing is over and I'm back in Texas, how have I adjusted? What's changed, and more importantly, what's next?
Did I awaken to that Godself within me? Yes. Is it now a permanent, conscious thing? Not yet. However, ever since this journey, I have felt much lighter, as if a great weight has been lifted from my soul. I am no longer bogged down by consistent hate, anger, or feelings of being trapped.
Arn said other shadow selves might pop up in the future to deal with, but as I've stated, I feel I have the tools and resources to deal with them. At least, I feel I've healed and dealt with the most powerful one, so hopefully any others will be more easily dealt with. He also said I will probably experience highs and lows in mood, but that I should settle into a balanced equilibrium after awhile.
Being back home has its challenges, as the energy here in the city seems much more dense than up in the forest where Arn lives. At the moment, it's more difficult for me, here, to connect with my heart and have those amazing experiences and knowings. They do happen, and have happened in the past here, it just seems more difficult. Part of that could be that I'm back in my own energies that I created before I left, but I do feel that I am not bound by them anymore, that I can change them into something much more freeing. I need to practice being patient, especially with myself and this process of healing. Not the easiest thing for me to be.
As to my physical body, I don't sense that negativity and hate (the Shadow seed) weighing me down and causing issues. My body didn't miraculously heal or anything once that weight left, but since now I don't have some part of me trying to kill me off, to be a bit dramatic, perhaps the steps that I take to heal my body will work.
Mentally, I have ups and downs, as Arn said would happen. When I can't feel my connection in my heart, eventually I get depressed, especially as I think about needing a source of income. But once I'm able to connect, I feel much better, and I can concentrate on the next step. Up until writing this post, the next steps had to do with writing this blog and my experiences.
Once that's over, we'll see.
Speaking of income, for the first time in decades, I feel I can consciously create the life I choose, which includes how I earn money. I am not sure, at this moment, what that looks like. I do not have a goal in mind, which is probably the first step in creating what I want. It's interesting to me that now I feel I have the ability to create a job as opposed to finding a job.
Maybe my books will be this source of income. Maybe not. Right now, I really have no idea. I just continually practice trusting my heart to get into a state where I am not worried about it, where I simply take one step at a time.
I am very grateful to you for allowing me to share my journey, and I am happy to answer your questions. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
You can also find out more about spiritual healer Arn Allingham and his Spiritual Safaris on his website: https://zingdad.com.
Companion Piece: Trusting My Heart
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