Since 2001, I've had Restless Legs Syndrome - a condition in which the nerves of the legs or arms flare up, causing them to ultimately twitch if not moved on their own. For me (and most people, from what I've read), it flares up mostly at night, preventing me from going to sleep for a few hours or causing me not to have deep, restful sleep.
For about eight years, I took some type of medication that calmed it. Unfortunately, I eventually couldn't tolerate the medicine, or any of the same type. For the next few years, I tried all sorts of other medications, both pharmaceutical and natural. None of it worked. I even had acupuncture for a few years, which made the intensity of the flaring go down, but not enough to make me able to sleep well at night.
In 2016, I went to see a specialist in the field. He gave me three options: a new type of drug, an iron infusion (since my iron was just a tad low), or, failing both of those, a low dose of opioids. Neither the infusion nor the new medication worked, leaving me with option three. I was not too keen on resorting to taking opioids. So, I didn't do much about it for a year.
Then, in May of 2017, I visited my friend in California. I had heard of cases where marijuana helped suffers of restless legs syndrome, and since my friend was an avid taker of the plant, I asked if he would let me try some to see if it helped. He said sure, and the first night I visited him, I smoked pot for the first time in my life.
He said to start slow, as the strain we were going to use, Candyland, was pretty strong. So, I took only one puff. We sat on some chairs on a porch and just waited to see what would happen.
About a few minutes in, my body started to go into full panic mode. My heart rate spiked, I felt my hands tingling, and, if I recall correctly, I felt a bit faint. My brain was screaming at me, telling me we were dying. Thankfully, my friend was sitting beside me, and he clutched my hand and encouraged me to dictate what I was experiencing. That act helped me tremendously, as it helped to keep me grounded and disassociated from the panic.
I had had severe panic attacks in the past, especially those past few years, so I figured that's what was going on. I wasn't really dying. I also knew I was faced with two choices: either try to fight the drug and maybe go insane, or just accept what was going on and allow it. During those past few panic attacks, I just allowed them to be - telling myself that it was just in my mind and I was perfectly safe. That helped calm me during those times, and the panic went away a lot quicker.
So, with my friend's help, I used that experience and did the same thing. I allowed whatever was going to happen, to happen. And sure enough, the screaming of my mind went away, and my body relaxed. What was replaced by all that was a calm and a sense of self I had never felt before - some type of expansion to my awareness. I don't remember what I talked about with my friend, but he couldn't believe I was experiencing all this from just one puff. After about an hour, I 'came down', so to speak.
That night, my restless legs weren't any better, but the next morning, I knew I needed to do another hit that night with my friend. So, the second night, I took another single puff. This time, I had no panic whatsoever. And soon, the thoughts of my ego faded and that sense of awareness came back. I shared some insights that I began to receive, mostly about our spiritual relationship with each other.
Again, that second night, my restless legs didn't improve, but the next day, something inside me said I needed to try the marijuana one more time on that third night. When that night came, due do some things we had discussed the second night, my friend left me alone after giving me the hit.
Once the drug kicked in, the awareness from the other two nights was now bringing with it that Higher/Inner Self of mine. His energy. HIM.
During my Spiritual Safari, He had seemed to manifest Himself as Simcha, the Boy of Light. But during that time, I always experienced myself as Scott, and Simcha as another entity - a higher form of me, but not one I experienced ME AS. This third night at my friend's, though, I started to become Him. To be awash in His energy and merge with Him.
Imagine a flame trying to will itself into existence from total darkness. At first, it's in small bursts. During and in-between these small bursts, some voice in my head told me to just relax. To just allow what ever happens to happen. It kept repeating: Accept and allow. Accept and allow. Accept whatever thoughts I may have about this experience to exist, and allow whatever higher form of Myself that wants to come through, to do its thing. Allow and accept. Allow my mind to do its thing - to bring whatever thoughts and doubts it wants to my awareness, and accept that there is something going on with the expansion of this awareness - and that that something is trying to burst through.
At first, during the bursts, too much of this energy would try to enter my body, and I'd feel myself being overcharged. I had to close off the energy of my heart, like a valve. I knew my body could only contain so much of this Higher Self. Too much and I thought my body would spontaneously explode.
During all of this, more voices join in on the 'accept and allow. Allow and accept' mantra. I feel the flame getting ready to come alive, to explode into existence. I hear a final doubting thought from my mind: "This is all fake."
And then, I, as my Higher Self, awaken in this body of Scott Wells. Just like Scott has had lucid dreams at night, during which he is completely aware that he is dreaming, I awoke in Scott, completely aware that this reality is like a dream, too. I had accomplished something absolutely incredible: I, as a Higher Being, had awoken in a third dimensional reality.
This was only possible because of Scott and the many experiences and lives that he and I had experienced together. It was because of those lives, and because of the healing that Scott did during this life, that I was able to do this. Otherwise, Scott's mind couldn't handle it. But, his consciousness was now able to hold me in his reality while his subconscious continued to function his body as normal. Now I, as Scott, was completely aware of my subconscious and this Higher Self of mine that now shared my reality. I could be all three beings at once, and I could raise and lower my consciousness to be any of the three, all the awhile aware of the other two's existence.
I, as this Higher Being, used my body to let out a laugh as I moved my hands in front of my face and examined them. I turned my head and looked at my surroundings - I was sitting in a van, on a front driveway, looking at a street light. I was here. I was really here. This was all real. The van. The street. This body and mind. All of this I was experiencing was a third dimensional reality. As I looked at all this, I said to Myself, "This is going to be so much fun." I knew I was referring to a future time in which this state would be permanent, and I would be able to co-create an amazing reality with others.
Then, my consciousness came back down to normal, and I was just Scott again. I knew I didn't need to take any more hits of the marijuana. It had done it's job of allowing this higher aspect to come through for the first time. This Higher Aspect of me did leave me a bit of a teaser. I caught a glimpse of a future event where He took me someplace in my mind, and some merging or other amazing event happened.
Afterwards, I made it my goal to permanently awaken to this Higher/Inner Aspect of myself in this reality. It is when I got back to Dallas that I knew what my next step was: To bring the book I had started the previous month into a reality. This book would become the one I had just published - fb: a soul's journey.
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