In August of 2014, I got an incredible job, still in the software development field, but this time working the hours I wanted and at home as well. As of this writing (June 2018), I'm still there! The pay is great, the people are awesome, and I enjoy the work.
What this job has done for me is to provide financial stability and a nice work-life balance so that I can continue working on my spiritual healing. I had a few mini-breakthroughs during 2014 and 2015 that helped further unblock and integrate hurt aspects of myself.
The biggest breakthrough came at the end of Arn's Dreamer Awake web course, which I finished up in early 2016. It isn't necessary to get into the details of what was involved during that period, but the outcome was that I truly integrated my ego, my pain, and my suffering into my heart. With the work that I did during Arn's course, that part of me that identified itself as my ego finally let go, and trusted itself to my heart.
This was immensely freeing. The chains of limiting belief that I had wrapped myself around with were now gone, or, at the very least, the locks had been removed, so I could free myself from them. Whereas before, the chains had bound me to the whims of my hurt ego and the world around me. I was controlled by them. I could never create anything outside of what these limited beliefs allowed: a victim to our three dimensional reality and the world we live in. I could never grow beyond it. To create something new out of it. I would just be another cog in the wheel, bound to whatever whim reality threw at me.
So, what does all this airy-fairy shit really mean, then, in a 'real world' context? What effect has it had on my life in the years following the Soul Awakening journey?
1) For starters, I am much more at peace within myself.
I don't get as angry as I used to. I don't hold grudges as long as I used to. Sure, I still get angry. I still get upset. But a lot of the little things that used to drive me fucking insane with anger - don't. I may still get annoyed at them, but I don't feel as angry. It's subsided a lot.
Of course, I'm human, and I get angry, but I am able to deal with it in a much healthier way than pushing it down and holding grudges. Sometimes that involves standing up for myself - dealing directly with the person or people I am angry with. Sometimes it means noticing where the anger comes from - maybe it's from a past hurt - and placing that anger within my heart. Sometimes the love from my heart heals it and it goes away. Other times I just accept that it's there. I allow the anger to be there, to just exist as it is. To 'love' it, so to speak. In this way, I am not a victim to my anger at those times. It doesn't control me.
Having said that, I still slip into my anger from time to time, of course. I'm no saint. I've had a few occasions where I've snapped at people. The hardest thing I'm dealing with is being aware of the invented conversations and scenarios that I create in my mind, the result of past traumas or even invented ones. Most of the time, the situation is very minor, especially when compared to people that have had really hard traumas to go through (like soldiers with PTSD or rape/abuse victims). But these little scenarios are real to my mind, and they lead me to even more anger and stress, which sometimes lingers for hours and, on occasion, for days.
The good news is, that I am able, more and more, to be aware when I am doing this, and to stop it.
2) Tied to the peace aspect, I have much more true love for myself than I ever have had in the past. This has created a lot of inner strength. I am able to deal with more stressful situations and be assertive. This means that I don't allow people to walk over me. This leads to less stress and less made up angry conversations and scenarios, like the ones I mentioned above.
There is a companion side to that inner strength, too...
3) Because of the inner peace and inner strength I've gained, I've also gained something equally as important - that of compassion for other people and their situations. I used to have a very limited perspective, that of just me and my own pain. If someone did or said something that caused me grief, I would only think of my own pain, which would result in anger and disdain toward that person (and vice versa). Many times it destroyed our relationship.
Then, this little thing called compassion came along. Instead of reacting to this anger, I could now take a few deep breaths, become aware of the anger, and put it into my heart. When doing this, I somehow become aware of that other person's situation. It's almost intuitive to me on what's causing the other person to act in that way. With that perspective, a whole new world of possibilities opens up. I am able to say and do things that truly help the person, and the unwanted behavior (whether it's my own hurtful behavior or theirs) diminishes. As a result, the relationship heals.
4) And most powerfully, I now have access to true, pure powerful creation. Up until May of last year, I didn't know what that was. But then, towards the end of May 2017, I had a Union with My Inner Self, Who I Am, which changed my reality forever.
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